Can we really ever have it all?

So, I'm "officially" back to work for two weeks now, and Marlie is with my sister and Rich when I'm gone. And even though they are two of the people that love Marlie (almost) as much as I do, I still feel so guilty and sad when I leave her. She is so tiny and yet changing and growing so much every day, that I honestly feel like she grows in the eight hours I'm gone. I don't want to miss any "firsts" and yet because we need the insurance for her specialist's visits, I have to be away from her. Sigh...